"Thank God it's Saturday"

Saturdays are my Fridays. So I am happy. I had such a shitty day. Today was my board day. I have 5 board to decorate. One is 6 feet by 5 feet. I must say I am good at what I do, and my boards look greats. But, I do get stressed out. The staplers (note plural) don't work right (user era for sure, yeah right) I didn't have enough ribbon, so I was cursing out loud, well I used words like freaken, damn well actually I used shit one time. My boss came to pick up something and a co-worker told on me and I got yelled it. Working with women is sometime a pain. Are we that petty? Come on are we? I even catch myself gossiping, and bitching about people who I know have a problem with me to my supervisor. But this, come on.
Well I never wanted to use this blog for bitching, and here I am. It is hard sometimes to be present and not get all wound up in the shit. And despite all or this I bashed my head against the time clock, and during serving ice cream to all my residents I started to cry, got flustered. How embarrassing. So when we have a bad time, it is not so easy to get out of it. I hope you have a better time at it than me on this day. Maybe I should of titled this "a day in hell" and by the way I know I did it to myself.
Lauren

"How did I get from traveling to be your self?"

I have always been an adventurer. Traveling is my passion and I travel as much as I can. I backed packed for two months in Europe by myself, a month in Alaska again by myself and now I have a traveling companion, Ernie, my hubby. When I look back on my travels sometimes I can't believe that I did that. Since I have Ernie I can't imagine traveling alone. Well, I could go away by myself for the weekend with a good book and just walk along the beach to watch my ocean. I remembered when I was younger, I use to tell my two younger cousins that it was my ocean. So, when they would come down to Newport Beach where my grandparents lived they would say the were going to "Kristian's Ocean" back then I was Kristian. Lauren is my middle name. To this day I call it my ocean. I bet if people really paid attention to what I am saying they probably would think I was a little loony. I think it is important for people to do something they love as often as they can. Stay true to yourself, not matter what. I learned that you can't change people or the what they think about you. So just be yourself. Now how did I get from traveling to be yourself. Go figure that one out.
Lauren

Are we all going to hell?

Remember when I told you I work as an Activity Director at an assistant living facility. We have a retired pastor as one of our resident. He has bible study every week. I listened to one of his discussions. I never been into organized religion. I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus was an incredible teacher. I just don't like it when people say the only way to God is through Jesus and that everyone who doesn't believe in Jesus are going to hell. So I asked the pastor about this. Well, he said I was definitely confused and that it was true that those who don't accept Jesus would not be saved. I really have a problem with that. So you are telling me that every Jew, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu etc. are all going to hell. I am fascinated with history, religion, philosophy etc. but I am curious and am open to learn, but I just can't agree with the idea that I am going to hell because of my beliefs. So, what do you believe? Anybody have any comment, I am interested to know what you think on the subject. If you can comment on the blog and not facebook that would be cool so everyone can see. Ok, guys, so are we going to hell or what?
Lauren

"it is not fair!"

How is everybody doing today? I hope everyone had a great day. I have been singing "it's a wonderful world" all day. I am even teaching the song to my residents. Today I am tired and have no idea what to say, so it will be interesting to see the words that transpire on today's blog. I ask myself what am I feeling today? Here is the thing, once I get into my head I will do nothing but complain. How inspiring is that to see a blog of someone that complains all day. Honestly, I have been a complainer for most of my life, well actually, I still complain a lot. The statement that I say a lot is "it is not fair!" Now we all know that life is sometimes not fair, but boy, I sure do say it often. At least I am noticing it more. But here is the thing, it will always be there. I just can't let it control me. I can go on and on about things that are not fair. I heard someone say "did you hear about the guy who found a roll a film, it had pictures on it from a famous photographer and was estimated to be worth 52 million dollars, and of course I hear the voice in my head "it is not fair!" I have to remind my self all the things I am grateful for. I am grateful for my husband, my 9 pets (yes, I said 9 pets, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 3 ducks and an African grey parrot) I am also grateful for my job, my house, my pool, my friends, traveling, the wind goddess , the ocean and the list goes on and on. I have no idea why I keep talking about the ego's mind, but it keeps coming up, so I think it is important. like I say when I write I just let it rip, and what comes, comes. So lets see what come tomorrow, shall we.
Lauren
What are you grateful for?

Reach for the stars, you may get the moon.

Well no one commented on my question, what do you fear? We all fear so many things. Death is one of them. It is funny I don't fear my own death. I just fear my husbands death. I know in reality we really don't die. Just look at nature and the cycle of life. Our soul lives forever. But my biggest fear is abandonment. But, If I live in that fear it will cripple me and I would never truly "live." I try to live my life to the fullest. I was afraid of failure, but I read a quote that said 98% of people fail because they gave up. I will never forget that. I have failed at many things in the past because I gave up. Now, I just keep going and going. I fail, have a "Pity Party" for a couple of days, or maybe a week invite a couple of friends and get right back up and try a different road. Sometimes I have no idea what I am suppose to do, but something happens where I meet a person, that leads me down the right path. Once I was at curves, and something just pop in my head, I was shocked, I thought where did that come from. I looked up and winked, and said thanks to the universe. So as long as you don't ever say "I can't" you will be fine. Remember what I said before "I don't know" is better than "I can't". So, what is your dream? What do you want out of life? You can do anything. I always dream big, I figure if I reach for the stars, I may get the moon. That would be OK by me. OK, than I see you tomorrow.
Lauren

I am up to the challenge.

Today was a great day. I ate a cup of cereal for breakfast, and went to curves........Just kidding! Like you really want to know what I ate for breakfast.
Sundays & Mondays are my days off. I love having Mondays to myself. I am learning so much on a daily basis. The hardest thing for me is striving for my dream but being present at the same time. My mind jumps to the future a lot. I go back and forth, I find myself worrying about money, and then I bring myself back and feel great. I find myself dreaming about having enough money to do this or that and than bring myself back to now. Now is defiantly better. I have never been fully in my body until the past couple of months, and it is amazing. See I was molested as a child, well actually twice (a double whammy) and I have been out of my body for so many years. I also have been in La La land the same number of years. Over 35 to be exact. I remember being in therapy and crying and the therapist asked me what are you feeling in your body? I was 25 at the time and I had know clue what she was talking about. I had been numb from my neck down for so long. I remembered when the first time I felt something in the pit of my stomach. I was crying about something, and than all of the sudden I was excited and laughing like a child. I felt something for the first time. Wow! So now I feel all the time. It is worth it, to get in touch with your self, your body, the now. Human beings live in fear, it needs to stop. Fear is an illusion that we have created. Think about it was is there really to fear? If you want to make a comment and ask that question, I will be up to the challenge so, lets discuss Fear! Shall we.
Lauren

Inspiration

Inspiration! What inspires you? I have learned that I can be who ever I want to be. So I have chosen to be inspiration. Being an activity director for my residents, I get to inspire people all day, and what is wonderful is that they inspire me as well. I have grown attached to these wonderful people. One of my residents who I adored died recently, I miss her, but I thank God for having the opportunity to know her. I asked her once, my 94 year old friend, If you could share one thing your have learned in your life to inspire others, what would that be? Her answer was " even at my age I am still learning" she got the biggest kick out of that.
I am inspired everyday, what is weird is for some reason the wind inspires me so, I call her the wind goddess, and she helps me to bring me back to the now. I see her blowing through the trees and it is almost an reminder "Lauren, just be." Sometimes when I feel her brush by it is almost like a kiss on the cheek, and I stop just to feel her. I love life, and I adore nature. Nature, music, people, I can't believe how much the world inspires me. To think that when I was 20 years old, or even 30 I had no idea that I would be here feeling the way I do.
"oh, what a wonderful world"
So, what is the answer to my question. What inspires you?
Lauren

just walk through the door.

I have been trying an exercise for 3 days now and have been failing miserably. Since I have been trying to be present and in the now, I find it difficult at work because I am running around a lot. So, someone suggested as an exercise to try to be present every time I walk through a door or doorway, So I thought to myself, "I can do that". I got up the next morning and was present walking through the door to the bathroom, my bedroom, and out the door on the way to work. I even remembered to be aware walking in the door to work. Well, that was three days ago and I have probably walked through dozens of doorways, and do you think I remembered to be present. Nope, not at all. It is so hard. We, as humans are like the energizer bunny we just keep going and going, and haven't a clue what the hell is going on around us. It is crazy! So my challenge to you, see how long you last and just try to be present one day while walking through a door, or doorways. I hope you have better luck than I did.
Lauren

Quote for the day

"Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you will die tomorrow"
James Dean

The Rock.

Sometimes I don't know what I want to say, while other times words flow. Today is one of those days where I have no idea what to say. So lets see what happens, shall we. I want to talk about the journey of "searching" I have been searching outside my self for over 30 years. Like I said before I have chapters in my book of all my travels and adventures. Now, things are different. Lately, I have been focused on practicing being present or in the "now". It is very difficult to truly be present. We, as humans have been unconscious for thousands of years. Sometimes people are stuck in the past, others our stuck in the "if only's" or "when I have this..." Example, when I find a husband then I will be happy, if only I had money then I could do everything I dreamed of. When I lose weight I will finally be happy. It never works. I learned that. For me I just want to try to be present to fully be me. But, the truth is and this may be hard to understand, the personality I have created is not me either. We all live in an illusion that we have created. So, who are we? The only way to find out is by being present. Lets put it this way, you have a rock, there are millions of individual molecules that makes that rock, lets say God is that rock, the universe is that rock, and you are the a molecule with in that rock. That means that you are a piece of God. Your body is just a shell and you are a power soul of pure love, pure peace, that connects to all live and of course God. Ok, you may not believe me but I know it is true, we are not our minds ego, or our body, we are way more and the only way to really know who you really are is just "being". It is the hardest thing to do but the most awarding. So am I still searching, some people think I am, but I say I am experiencing the essence of who I am, who we all are day by day and I love it!
Lauren

"what a wonderful world"

Today was amazing, I am so proud of myself. Some people through out your life will choose to dislike you for reasons unknown. It used to bother me when people disliked me, and in the past I would kiss up to them for approval. Thank God, I no longer do that. But when people were outright rude, hostel and purposely make your life miserable, sometimes you can't help but get upset. So, every time certain people would come into the building, I would give my power away and it would ruin my whole day and sometimes my week. (of course I did it to myself) Well, guess what, not today. Not only did I handle the situation 3 separate times during the day I did not let "cousin it" stir things up. I simply sang the words in my head from "what a wonderful world" (the skies are blue, the clouds are white, the bright blessed days, the dark sacred night and I think to myself what a wonderful world.) and it worked, I was centered in my body and felt peace, and it did not matter. They did not matter, I was doing the only thing I knew how to do, just be myself. So now I have a new tool to center myself when things get tough. In the book the "Power of Now", it says "When you know peace within, it is like the ocean when the water is turbulent on the surface, deep under the water it is always still". I felt that today and it was wonderful. So next time someone tries to make your life miserable, just remember you may never know the reason why, you will never change them, but you can choose how you will react, try singing the words to "what a wonderful world."I hope it works for you!
Lauren

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Lets talk perceptions!

Life is interesting to say the least. One thing I've learned is that perceptions or how we view the world around us is so important in how we live our lives. How people see the world is based on so many things, it based on our past, gender, race, culture, family, society etc. For example our society perceives women is less than men, so we can have the same job as a man but get paid less. Our society also projects "being thin" is attractive and we have 12 year old little girls bulimic to try to "fit" in. The perceptions that is most dangerous to the individual is based on our past and how we are raised. To add to this the ego's mind (cousin it, I call it) and you will have drama and pain to no end. Now, here is the good news, YOU have the power to change that right here and now. You are not that negative mind chatter that tells you are unworthy, you are not your past, and right now you can change your perceptions. You have the power to decide every morning that you will have a good day. You can decide not to get into the so call office drama, and let it go in one ear and right out the other. You can't control what happens but you can control your reaction. I keep mentioning the minds chatter because that will never change and I mean EVER. For example I am a horrible speller and when I write something on the board and a seventeen year old tells me I spell it wrong it does not matter if I 25, 43, 67 my mind will always go to "you are stupid" and if I let that cousin it consume me it can ruin my whole day or maybe my week. I know I am not stupid, so I say thank you for sharing and move on. The key is we can be who ever we want to be, we can change our perceptions, ignore good old cousin it and create what ever we want. Just start slow and choose to have a good day. You can do it. So have a great day guys.
Talk more later
Lauren

Did I tell you I took a year off?

I had an opportunity to take a year off. This was in October 09. I began to write my book "A touch on the shoulder" it was an incredible experience. Each chapter is its own story. As my life unfolded on paper, I realized that I was already whole, complete and perfect just the way I was, and that I always was. Every person right NOW, is whole, complete and perfect. I travel the world searching for a place to belong, trying to find myself, asking the question "who am I?" "what is the purpose of me being here?"
What was amazing was I discovered that everything I was searching for, I already had all along. I was looking outside myself instead of just BEING "me". So, now everywhere I go I belong. Maybe I was afraid to really look at myself, afraid that if I did, nothing would be there, just a shell of an over weight girl who did not matter. But, I was wrong. I, one of what we all are, am a shinning light that shines brightly. Every human being has an incredible source within them which is our souls, and only our ego's mind gets in the way of seeing who we really are. Don't be afraid to look, because just beyond the door, past the saboteur is something amazing and it is "YOU". You are amazing just the way you are. Never forget it! I wrote this quote a long time ago it says "Through all the colors that shine.........and all the intricate ways I see my soul.........through all the parts of myself...........I finally see the oneness of being whole."

Lauren

A day in a life of a "weight watcher."

I have been at weight watchers for TWO FREACKEN YEARS! Did I say that too loud? It has been such a battle this danm weight. I have lost 58 pounds, 8 months ago it was 68 pounds. I can't believe after two years I have only lost 58 pounds. Heres what everyone says, well it's good to loose it slowly. It could be worse you could have gained 58 pounds. All this may be true, but those of us who know the jouney of weight lose, are tired of hearing that. The truth is it is a frustrating process, and let me be frustrated! Right? or not? Two years ago I was at 273 pounds a size 26, I was a size 16, now I am an 18. Last September I went on a cruise and gained 11 pounds, crazy huh. Why am I writting about this, because who ever reads this (if anyone reads this) I want you to know who Lauren is, I have so many success to share with you, but I want you to know ever part of me. I want to share my life with who ever will listen. Why? You may ask, because we are not alone on this panet and if I can inspire one person, that would be amazing. So I will continue to write about my journey, my feelings, my frustrations, my weight, my work and whatever. Just you wait, I have learned a lot in 43 years. Let me inspire you! Well at least let me try.
Lauren

I can't believe it!

Today was an awesome day! people are so amazing and I bet a lot of people have no idea how much other human being are there to help them. I remember a time when I hated people, actually I hated humanity. My mom told me once that when I was five years old, I would be sitting outside in the backyard waiting for a UFO to take me away. CRAZY! I just did not want to be apart of a race of horrible people. Now I think differently. Today I went to a seminar on Networking for my book, and my non-profit organization I want to start. (more on that later) The people were fantastic, and already two people said I want to meet with you, because I can help. We actually set up a time and place. They don't know me and are willing to take time for a complete stranger. Life is wonderful and people are incredible.
It is amazing, didn't I already say that, oh well anyway, I learned that being at a place of "I don't know what to do" is a much better place than "I can't" Today was proof of that, I had no idea what to do next and now I am on my way!!!!
bye for now...................................remember go and LIVE your life one step at a time, one small step is better than nothing at all.
Lauren

Today is another day.

Today was a good day, probably because I was so busy, I had no time to think. I think that many people keep busy just so they don't have to be alone with themselves and think. I wonder how many people in the world do this?
I enjoy being with myself, I am my best friend and also my worst enemy. I remember when I use to hate silence, it drove me crazy! I could not stand it. Now, I actually love it. just to sit and be with myself. I love nature and siting outside just being with nature. I do notice my mind wanders and I catch myself. I have notice when I am in the present, life does them better. I am an activity director working in an assisted living facility, and when I am present with my residents, I feel this wonderful connection with them. It makes the day special.
So, I have been working on the "inner peace" being present thing. It is hard but I am practicing.
I also have a dream of getting my book published. It is not so easy, let me tell you.
But I can not give up, I have to find away. This journey has just begun.
Does Lauren become an author and publish her book "a touch on the shoulder", does she ever find her inner peace she so desire. Stay tuned and find out if dreams do come true.

Just one dream?

One of my dreams is finding that true inner peace. I use to say I just want to be happy. Everyone is happy here and there, right? I was always searching for happiness. In reading a book by Tolle, the power of now, he said happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not. Inner peace is always there, and when "shit happens" you still have you.
I have been battling my ego's mind for as long as I could remember. I am my worst enemy. I call the voice in my head cousin it. ( I can't take credit for coming up with that name) It is a challenge to be aware of the voice and not let it consume me. I am writing from the heart and I know my head, or cousin it, will be right there for the ride. It will be interesting to see if I can catch myself, or cousin it. This journey will be interesting to say the least.
I think the book the power of now is excellent and worth the read. However, I am struggling to make it happen. It is the hardest thing to be present, to be in the now. I see my mind thinking about work tomorrow, worrying about this bill or that phone call I should make. I HATE IT! We are human being that live totally in our heads and is sucks. For now I will leave you with this quote by John Randolph Price "Until you transcend the ego, you can do nothing but add to the insanity of the world." Crazy, huh.
chow for now

Do dreams come true?

My name is Lauren Guarducci and I have a dream. We all have dreams, goals, and ideas what we want our life to be. Don't we? I mean what I dreamed when I was a child is not even close to what I am doing now. When I was 10 years old I wanted to be an actress. When I was 20 I wanted to be the next Oprah. At age 30 I wanted to be an author and to write books, I started and then gave up. Here I am now 43 years old and I have a dream.
So my question is do dreams come true? or do we compromise ourselves or put our dreams on hold to raise kids, work a 9 to 5 job, be a wife, a daughter and all things in between. One thing I have learned is I have been so busy "wanting" that sometimes I forget to live. I saw a quote the other day by Oscar Wilde that said "To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist, that is all"
I don't want to just exist, I want to live.
The reason my blog is called "A touch on the shoulder" is because that is the name of the book I have written. (not yet published) I will talk about that later.
For now I am starting this blog today and will continue to write, no matter what. So when my ego's mind consumes me, you will know, or when I am raw with emotions, you will know or even when I am flying high and life is good you will definitely know.
So I am inviting you to come along with me on my journey and together lets find out: DO DREAMS COME TRUE? Let see shall we.