"Hero of the Dream"

The "Hero" of the Dream(February 14, 1968)
The body is the central figure in the dreaming of the world. There IS no dream without it, nor does it exist without the dream, in which it acts as if it were a person, to be seen and be believed. It takes the central place in every dream, which tells the story of how it was made by OTHER bodies, born into the world OUTSIDE the body, lives a little while, and dies, to be united in the dust with other bodies, dying like itself. In the brief time allotted it to live, it seeks for other bodies as its friends and enemies. Its safety is its main concern. Its comfort is its guiding rule. It tries to look for pleasure, and avoid the things that would be hurtful. Above all, it tries to teach itself its pains and joys are different, and CAN be told apart.
The dreaming of the world takes many forms, because the body seeks in many ways to PROVE it is autonomous and real. It puts things on itself that it has bought with little metal discs or paper strips the world proclaims as valuable and good. It works to get them, doing senseless things, and tosses them away for senseless things it does not NEED, and does not even WANT. It hires OTHER bodies, that they may protect it, and collect more senseless things that it can call its own. It looks about for special bodies which can SHARE its dream. Sometimes it dreams it is a conqueror of bodies weaker than itself. But in some phases of the dream, it is the slave of bodies which would hurt and torture it.
The body's serial adventures, from the time of birth to dying is the theme of every dream the world has ever had. The "hero" of this dream will never change, nor will its purpose. Though the dream itself takes many forms, and SEEMS to show a great variety of places and events wherein its "hero" finds itself, the dream has but ONE purpose, taught in many ways. This single lesson does it try to teach again, and still again, and yet once more; - that it is CAUSE and NOT effect. And YOU are ITS effect, and CANNOT be its cause. Thus are you NOT the dreamer, but the DREAM. And so you wander idly in and out of places and events that IT contrives.
That this is all the BODY does is true, for it IS but a figure in a dream. But who REACTS to figures in a dream UNLESS he sees them as if they were real? The INSTANT that he sees them as they are, they HAVE no more effects on him BECAUSE he understands he GAVE them their effects BY CAUSING THEM, and MAKING them seem real.


"A Course in Miricles"

"Seeing my body in the mirror"

Life, Life, Life! I go back and forth from ego to spirit and back again. There are 2 things I have learned: see God in everything and everyone, and forgive when you don't. I have been practicing forgiveness. Not an easy task. I have realize that we are all one and that when I judge others I am ultimately judging myself. I have been working on forgiving others and the world around me, but, for me, the ultimate challenge is forgiving myself. At first, I thought to myself, what do I have to forgive? I haven't done anything. But later I realize I feel guilty all the time, guilty that I did not do this right, or that I was hard on myself, or forgetting to do something I was suppose to do. I saw guilt everywhere. I have gained back the weight I lost. For those of you who do not know, I lost 68 pounds and was 7 pound from my goal, a size 14. I have gained 65 pounds back. So, of course I have been judging myself. Telling myself that I am a failure, and then guilt! But what I have learned that I needed to gain the weight back. I have been working liking crazy to lose it that I forgot that I am not this body. I have been putting to much importance in my body. But, now as I look at myself in the mirror, I am grateful for this strange figure I see before me, I mean so far I have been healthy, it has carried me for 45 years without a hitch. But, I know the truth that this oddly shape in front of me is not me. I knew that, but I have never experienced that before. I actually forgave myself. Forgave myself for hating my body and being attached to it, forgave myself in thinking I was a failure and putting so much energy into that body in the mirror. Our bodies are ego's biggest distraction in keeping us from the truth. I believe if I truly forgive myself for creating this 265 pound body, and truly experience that it is not real, and that I am spirit first, than eventually I don't need to even try to lose the weight the pounds will eventually come off on there own. Sounds like fantasy? or that I am delusional, we shall see. I still have a lot more forgiving to do. But I am on my way!!

"Who are we?"

I haven't written anything for a long time. I have been diving into the depths of "who am I", who we all are. When I wrote my book, "A Touch on the Shoulder" it talked about my journey of discovery. I had learned so much over that year in writing about my life's adventures, the darkness I faced, and all the wonders I discovered along the way. I realized a while ago that I wasn't just this body, I wasn't a name that someone gave me, or the job I did, or even just a wife or daughter. Who was I? I, like most people, fell into the trap of searching outside my self for answers. I faced everything outside myself, I forgave the two men who molested me, I forgave my mom and realized that I had to ask for her forgiveness as well. I forgave all those who I thought offended me in some way, I faced the children within, and I stopped judging my co-workers and excepted them for who they were. So, what incredible insight I have to share with the world? That when you have no one else to blame, you have only yourself left. Then you realize that happiness is fleeting at best and comes and goes like the whims of emotions. What we are all searching for, which we don't really realize, is true peace with in, a kind of peace, of joy that you cannot find in what you see through the ego's eyes, this man made ego's world. You cannot find it in relationships, or in material things, you cannot find it in susses, and you definitely cannot find it by being thin, NOTHING you can "see", or you can "get" can give you this peace. It only comes from within, a place where most people do not want to go. The question is how can I get this peace? By not buying into the illusions of this world, and seeking the truth which lies behind the eyes of everything you ever knew or think you know. It's peeling away the layers, like an onion, and leaving the past and all it's perceptions behind. It lies beneath the judgements, assumptions and only found through forgiveness. It is who you truly are!

"Life is truly wonderful"

It has been a long time since I have written anything. I hope everyone is wonderful. I had a incredible experience and wanted to share it with you. I was in Europe for 2 weeks, a week in Prague, Czech Republic and a week in Italy for my brother's wedding. I will send pictures later.
I realized something so profound, at least it was profound to me. I was in my favorite city in all the world, Prague. I wanted to experience Prague and all it's glory without all the people, and I wanted to take incredible pictures so, I got up at 4:00 am, just before sunrise and went to the main square and Charles bridge by myself, while Ernie slept. There were very few people, actually there was two people on the bridge, as I stood there, the light was illuminating the sky, I was incomplete awe. The feeling was hard to explain, but I will try. A wave of complete joy came up from my belly, and came pouring out of me. I had no thoughts, just pure awe of my surroundings. I remember saying out loud, " God do you feel what I am feeling, do you see what I am seeing?" At that moment I got it. I realizing that I am so unique, that there is no one in the world like me, like you! Because, at that moment I saw the Charles Bridge, like no one else did. I saw it through my eyes, through who I am. Thousands of people a hour are on that bridge and each one of them are experiencing the moment differently from all the rest. The bridge has been the same for 700 years, the streets of Prague don't change, everything is the same as is was and will be for the next 600 years, but the way each person sees it, experiences it, is what makes us unique. We see the world from our past, our perceptions, through who we are at each given moment,and that is what makes us unique. That moment on the bridge, I realized how incredible and unique I really am, how we all are. It is like the old saying, " beauty is in the eye of the beholder." "life is in the eye of the beholder." So, how do you see the world around you? Do you see a hawk as the incredible creature it really is, or do you even notice it at all. NOTHING is what it seems, you make it what it is. Life is truly wonderful!

"One day at a time"

Well well, hello again! How is everybody doing? I was re-reading the comments on the last blog. It is interesting, that is my problem, trying to balance being in the moment and striving for my goals. How do you do that? I discussed this topic with my husband, he said I have the "artist" mentality, of always striving, pushing myself to the limit, and never being satisfied. He is in the same boat. He is very creative musically. But, happiness is a state of mind, I am happy with who I am, what I have in my life. But, there is something in me that pushes me forward, I want to experience, learn and grow continuously. To tell you the truth life would be so much easier if I just be where I am now. It is actually a wonderful life, but that is not me. Even now I am going through a deep depression, but I still would not want to be anyone else. And I know that once I get through what I am going through now, I will catapulted to a new level of experiences, perceptions. I love the constant change, adventure that life offers. I talked to one of my waitresses the other day, she is in her 20's and when I asked her how her life was, she said it is fine, it has been the same for the past two years. That is so weird to me, I am always experiencing a new adventure in my life. Now back to the question, how to balance that, I do not know. Now I just take it one day at a time. That is all I can do, but I still have a dream.
Lauren

Are you happy?

Hey everybody, it has been forever since I have written. I miss it! I have been busy at work and enjoying my residents. Life is good! I still have my dreams and striving to reach them. I still find it difficult to be present and in the moment. I feel like I need balance in my life, that is hard for me. Surrendering to now and striving for my dream, how in the hell do you do that? Every person I work with has no goals, no dreams they just do their "thing" whatever that may be. So many of them say that their life is their job, and that they have nothing else. I try not to judge them, in fact I have no right to judge them, but lets put it this way, I don't get it! I tell you one thing they are amazing people and I love them dearly, I just want to see them happy. Most people don't seem happy to me. What do you guys think out there in facebook land? Are you happy? Do you like your job? Your life? I find myself happy for weeks at a time and then Boom! I get wrapped up in beating myself up, for not loosing enough weight, or going to bed to early or not exercising that day and especially for not being present. When I finally get out of "my complaining mood", I should say, than I am happy again. It is strange really I am my best friend and at times my worst enemy. I just assume that it is that way for everybody? Who knows? Right now I have a three day weekend and I am going to enjoy myself, enjoy life, and be grateful for the moment. See you soon, have a great weekend.
Lauren

"4 Star Review"

Well guys, can you believe it. I got 4 stars on my book review. I am so happy! The review was great. I just want to update on the next steps of getting my book out there in the world. A crazy thing happened when I first got my first proof back, I shared it with the people at work and ordered copies to try to sell. Well, no one noticed the mistake on the cover where there was no "s" in woman's journey of self-discovery. It read dicovery, and no one noticed until later one of my editors called me and pointed it out to me. So, I had no idea what to do with those books, the truth is I just wanted to give them away, but thought that was a bad business decision. I am not a business woman what so ever. I decided to give them away to the staff at work that wanted to read them. I also ordered new books in hopes of trying to sell them. One day I was sitting at Dos Coyotes, and out of the blue I heard a voice that said give it to the woman sitting next to me, and I did. I told her I know this might sound crazy, but I am suppose to give this book to you. I asked her if she liked it to please pass it on. Crazy huh! People have just been coming up to me out of the blue asking me what am I reading and we just start talking about my book. My next step next week is sending out the press release to over 2000 media outlets, and I will get the list so I call follow up on the connections. I need your help, however, those of you who have read my book and like it, can you please go to Amazon.com and write a small review on it. I would appreciate it immensely. I hope you all have a great weekend and again thank you for all your support.
Lauren