"Lets see what the future holds"

Monday was a gorgeous day. Did I tell you I love this time of year? Ha Ha! I probably repeat myself all the time. I re-read some earlier posts back in the beginning, and it reminded me why I started this blog in the first place, for my book. I wanted to share my dream of being an author with you. The whole process, all the ups and downs, and everything in between. I also wanted to be a force of inspiration in the world. Instead, I noticed lately all I have been doing is complaining. But, the truth is in life there is always twists and turns, that is life. I want to give you an update on my book. It is almost done being edited and it should be ready for print in a couple of weeks. Yes! I am excited and terrified at the same time, now I know I said that before. My next step is the marketing, hence this blog. I have know idea how many people even read these words and even how it will relate in fulfilling my dream. I have no idea what will be the outcome. I have learned one thing, I am not the driver in this story. I have seen people work their butts off never succeeding and I have seen people literally just see an opportunity and walk through the door to success, just like that. I have no problem working hard, but again, no one knows the outcome. This should be interesting. Just like the balloons yesterday, I have no idea where they will end up and if anybody will find them. I will let you know my next steps and lets see together what the future holds, shall we.
Lauren

"Balloons & wishes for everyone"

How was every bodies weekend? I celebrated my birthday on Sunday. My favorite thing in all the world is balloons, forget the jewelry, the flowers or even the chocolates, I am happy with my balloons. I bought a balloon kit, it comes with the helium, balloons, and ribbon. The smaller one is for about 30 balloons and the larger one is about 50 to 60. I got the smaller one. On Sunday morning Ernie and I blow up he balloons and my pup, Ozzy (Yes the one who ate my ottoman) was terrified of them. He kept running away, he was so cute. After we blew them up, I wrote down wishes for me and for other people who will find them. So, for example I wrote "May all your dreams come true" and "Make a wish" and I had a couple of personal wishes like "May my book be a success." etc. then I wrote "If anybody finds this please call......and left my phone number. When we let them go they looked like lolly pops dancing in the air. I asked Ernie if it was against the law to do this, and he said well if it is they have our phone number right on them. We laughed! We than watched my favorite kids movie Monsters Inc. I love that movie! It was a awesome day. I am curious how far the balloons go. I will let you know.
Lauren

"Might as well have fun, right!"

How was every bodies Thanksgiving? I worked as you know, and had a great but busy day. I started my Christmas exercises, which I made up. That was interesting to say the least. We had show and tell, where my residents brought somethings to share with the group. It was awesome! And after our Thanksgiving meal, we had a Tea Party at 2:00. 14 residents showed up, and it was wonderful. We all went around and said what we were grateful for, and then they each picked a question from a basket. The questions were something like, what was the craziest thing you ever did? To share a funny story from your childhood. It was great, we had tea and fancy tea cups, and appetizers. The other employees said"they will be too full to eat, why are you having a tea party?" Well they were wrong, they ate and we had a ball. Then, Ernie cook us a full Thanksgiving meal, and he did great. He actually cooked stuffing from scratch. It was delicious. I got some great advice from my cousin from New Mexico, and so I am not stressing over the small stuff and enjoying my life as is, and what happens, happens. I mean we can't control anything, anyway, so might as well have fun! Right!
Lauren

"Help me figure things out"

I am much better, Thanks again for the comments. So, what I have to complain to you guys to get you to comment, or what. Just kidding. To tell you the truth it could be worse I could be losing my home or have lost my job like my friend. I just need to learn how to balance my life. I know I have a great life, in fact I love my job most of the time. I just get so exciting about the future and my book that I forget to be present and enjoy the little things in life. It is amazing when I am not present, I miss the smiles from strangers, or the big yellow awesome tree right in front of me, or even my puppy's face saying "hey mom, look how cute I am" so, the truth is we do miss a lot when we are not in the now. I need balance! Didn't I just say that! Sometimes I wish I could just be happy with what I have. I mean, why do I strive for more? What is wrong with me and why do I want more? I am so grateful for what I have. I have always been like this, why me and not the people I work with, for example. They seem fine, yes, they complain a lot, and they seem to not have goals, at least they don't tell me if they do. So, why do I want to continue to grow, to learn, to experience everything I can in life, while others don't feel the need to. Why, why why??? So, I am asking for your help, how do I live in the now and balance my future dreams of making a living being an author and writing my books. I mean I do have to think about how to market my book and so many things. OK, God, help me surrender and please give me balance in my life.
Lauren

"Here we go again"

Well everybody, I have not been inspiration for awhile now. I am frustrated with so many things, like I said before everything comes at once, and I am suppose to be OK and happy in spite of it. How do you do that? We have a roof leak that drips on the electrical for the heater, we have ants, I am still dealing with the bullshit from my mortgage company and I just found out that this company has been taking $57 out of my account for the past 8 months. So, what ever you do read the fine print when you use your card on-line, or better yet don't use your card on-line. My dog just ate my ottoman and I mean it is totally destroyed. I have gained 3 pounds and can't stop eating and getting more depressed. So how in the hell, do I be in the now, and change my perception and be happy????? I don't know how people do it. I have heard it all "this too shall pass", and I am suppose to find comfort in that. OK, I know I am complaining, old habits die hard. I just hope that you guys are in a great place right now and enjoy the week. Talk with you later.
Lauren

"Wanting and Outcomes"

So, when we go through our daily lives does it seem like a lot of "ups" and "downs"? To me it seems like a cycle, sometimes things go well and we're happy and then shit happens. The saga of life. I know that I am happier more often than not, thank God! But what I want to know is do we have the power to change that? Like I have written before about whether or not we really have control over what happens in our lives, if we don't, then our only control is our reactions to what happens. Again we go back to perceptions, and how we view the things and people in our lives, which ultimately goes straight back to our "ego's mind", the rambling in our head. We run around doing all these things to try to make things turn out how we want them to turn out and when they don't, we are unhappy. I read a lot about not having attachment to outcomes, I can do that and not have attachment to specific outcomes, but I still have attachments to it turning out for my best. So, in other words I am still in the"wanting" of things and outcomes, still in the "future" of things, not being present, not surrendering, still trying to be in control. What would happen if we stop trying to control everything and live each moment and live for that day? I have been trying, I tell you right now it sure does sound nice. Question, why can't we do this? What are we afraid of? What are we giving up? Just something to think about. Comments are welcome!

Lauren

"I am not giving up!"

Today is Friday for you guys, very cool, I hope you have a great weekend. The days are going fast. A week from Sunday I will be 44 years old. Crazy, huh! Never too late to make your dreams come true. I am hoping that my book will be available in 3 weeks or less. Then I will have to think of marketing it, book tours, book fairs and anything else I can think of. Crazy, huh, it is so exciting and scary at the same time. It is hard for me to stay present when I am always thinking in the future, my book, how to do this or that. I get wrapped up in the "doing" of things that I haven't been "being" at all. I been having trouble with my weight and have been stress with that, work, it is hard. I know I need to stop and just breath and enjoy the moment, but I can't get out of my head. The question is how do I surrender? How do I just say enough is enough and just "be!". When I find the answer I will shout it to the world, but for now, here I am doing all the things that need to be done. I am not giving up on anything, I am just tired of trying to figure everything out. Maybe that is the first step to surrendering?
Lauren

"Holidays are on there way."

Well the holidays are just around the corner. I use to hate the holidays, it was all about obligation, and no one in my family seemed to really enjoy it. Now, I love them. I am working on Thanksgiving and Christmas day because I want to. I enjoy giving to my residents who don't go anywhere. We have a big Tea Party. We sit around eat appetizers, drink tea & coffee and talk about our lives. Sometimes I have questions in a basket and we each pick one and answer the questions. I love hearing stories from my residents. What is also great is when I come home on Thanksgiving day, Ernie has cooked all day and we are ready to eat. On Christmas Ernie and I celebrate on Christmas Eve. We have a ball. We told our families not to get us any gifts for Christmas and that we were not going to get them any. So, we spend all are money on each other. Ernie and I have about 20 gifts under the tree, including in our stockings. We eat our favorite appetizers, drink beer and listen to Christmas music. We love it! So, now I get excited on the holidays. I love creating new memories. So, what are you doing for the Holidays? It is never too late to created new traditions and new memories.
Lauren

"Need your help on this one"

It is hard to see people close to you go through hard times. My friend has lost her job, after working at the job core for nine years as a teacher, she just lost her house. It has just been put on the market by the bank. She can't find a apartment because her credit is bad because she can't pay the credit card companies because she lost her job. She finally took a chance after 25 years and gave her heart to a guy and lost him all this in the past 9 months. What is up with that???? I don't know what the universe is trying to tell her, but man, what can you say????? All that I came up was, you need to surrender now to the pain or you will have a heart attack. She is trying to "go with the flow" of things, but right now all I see is my friend in pain, with no rhyme and no reason. It just make you think, do we have a choice in anything in our lives? Who is really in control here, it sure isn't us! I think if we think about the "whys" all the time, our heads would explode! Maybe there is no rhyme or reason in anything we do? I mean do we have control in our lives? That is the question???? Scary, huh!!!!
Just something to think about. If anyone has any ideas on the subject please let me know.
Lauren

"Dragonflies, insects of light"

Today I was at my spot at Dos Coyote's, yeah I know, I love it there! I don't remember if I told you the story about how a blue dragonfly twice landed on my book to say hello. It happened over a period of a month. Well today I was thinking that I haven't seen my little friend lately, I wonder where he was. I thought to myself, maybe the weather is too cold this time of year. At that moment there he was, a blue dragonfly, just flew by right in front of me. I was so delighted, I just laughed out loud. I continue to read and eat my salad, when again I thought where is he, and boom there he was again. Four times, when I thought of him he appeared. What a gift, I always view wonderful things like this as a gift, and I am full of gratitude. I have a book called "Animal Speaks" it talks about the symbolism of animals and insects in various cultures, for fun I looked up dragonfly. It said they help you see through your illusions and thus allow your own light to shine forth. Now, how cool is that. So, thank you my little friend!
Lauren

"Veteran's day from the heart."

I had a hard time planning my Veteran's day event, I had one poem, music and certificates for each of our veterans, but I felt something was missing. I was searching the Internet for something else to say, but could not find anything. So I decided to write something my self and here it is.

I cannot imagine what war is like, all the sacrifices that our men, women and children make for one reason "Freedom". Freedom, for me, means having possibilities.
The possibilities:

To have children, and see them grow
To live in a country where I can make my dreams come true.
To grow old without fear.
And the possibility for peace.

For me all of you gave me a gift, of all of these possibilities. Whether you were on the battlefield, or waiting to be deployed, all of you were willing to do what was necessary for me, for them (pointing to residents & staff) and for future generations.

I want to personally thank you.

Have a great weekend!
Lauren

"it is just one of those days"

I am tired today, I slammed my finger in the sliding glass door this morning, and I am nervous about this Veteran's day celebration. I have done so many events, why veteran's day? It has been a disaster from the very beginning, for 8 weeks I have been trying to get someone to come to do a ceremony, my boss wanted this, and everything has gone wrong that could go wrong. I had the music, I lost the music, we were going to make certificates, the day before the women who was going to make the certificates, said my program doesn't have "patriotic" certificates. On and on it went, now the day is here, and who knows what will happen. I have been in my head all week, about my book, this event. I hate when this happens. Like I said I know I am doing it to myself, it is all about perceptions, right well mine are totally down the wrong road. I hope that you guys are having a great week, feel free to tell me about it. I want to hear something good!!! OK, I have complained enough. Thanks for listening.
Lauren

"What is the truth?"

My friend, Pam and I are reading this book called From Onions to Pearls. This man was very rich with private planes and all of that and he started up with drugs and dealing them. He was caught and sent to prison for 7 years. He wrote about what happened to him spiritually and what he learned. I tell you, WHAT IS THE TRUTH? Some people think only through Jesus you can be saved and everybody else is going to hell, some believe in Buddha, Mohammad, and I believe that God has no religion! Now this guy, says that yes, we are all one, all spirit, but that all this is a dream and "spirit", which is us, is having all these experiences of limitations & freedoms. Meaning God is unlimited, joy, love and he/she/it/us, is experiencing what it is like to be limited, the human condition of pain/joy etc. So death doesn't matter because none of this is real, and we can't die. He also says God, gives us a glimpse of this through our dreams. Our dreams seems so real, and when we experience pain and wake up, we are OK, nothing has actually happened to us. Now, I am not saying I believe in this stuff, I haven't finished the book yet, but shit, WHAT IS THE TRUTH? Do you ever wonder?
Lauren

"Anybody out there?"

Well, my friends it has been a busy couple of days. I get stressed during these months (Oct. Nov. and Dec) I know I am probably doing it to myself, but man when it rain it pours. I miss yesterdays post, and I've been beating my self over the head about it. Where did that expression come from, "beating myself over the head", why would anybody do that? I always wonder where these odd expressions come from. I tell you the things we think about, I am surprised that more people aren't insane, with all the stuff that goes through our heads. I hope you guys had a great weekend. Monday was a beautiful day, the trees were perfect! When my friend and I were leaving Dos Coyote's, there were hundreds of seagulls over head, just circling, it was amazing some were farther away some were right over our heads, we just stood there and watched. I appreciate the little things in life, seagulls over head, the color of the trees, a squirrel doing its thing, and smile from strangers. See, I was in my head, it sounded like a good weekend to me. I feel better just writing. I don't know if anybody still reads these posts, but it really help me. So if your out there thanks for listening.
Lauren

"Surrender!"

Can you believe I am on day 100. How crazy is that? It is Friday for most of you out there. I hope you have a great weekend. Take time to enjoy the fall colors out and about. This is my favorite time of year. I love it!!! The vibrant colors of the trees, the freshness of the air, and if you notice the sun's light is even different. I am feeling great right at this moment. How are you feeling right at this moment? If you are feeling wonderful, take time and really feel the moment. Take a few deep breaths and just be, it feels great. If you are struggling with stress or emotions, take a minute and think how you can change that right this minute. Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes and visualize white light surrounding you, notice your breath going in and out, and know that every breath you take is the breath of God. You are perfect right now, the stress in your life is not you, the daily worries are not you. Just be in the light, and know that you are love and you can choose right now to be that light that you are. So shine bright my friends and know this when things get real bad, surrender to it! Embrace the pain, let it guide you and it will catapult you to a new beginning that will change your life for the better. Now go and have a great weekend.
Lauren

"Turning 44!"

It is one of those days where I don't know what to write. I am trying to be present but I was a little annoyed by a co-worker, and I have to let it go and be in the now. Sometimes it is hard, but as I write I am slowly feeling calmer. Maybe that is one way, a tool to help me get out of our head. I think each of us should find what works for us. Whether it is going outside for a few minute, and just be in the moment or write about something you love. You can talk to another co-worker about your one year old pup who is absolutely adorable. Whatever you need to do, to get back to yourself, and not dwell on the drama around you. Thinking about my Ozzy boy makes me smile, and I can feel myself instantly change for the better. I am going to be 44 this month, the time is ticking by so fast. I can dwell on the fact that I am not where I wanted to be at age 44, or I can choose right now to go with the flow and know that everything is where it is suppose to be. I know that everything will turn out wonderful, or maybe I should say it is pretty dang wonderful right now. My goals may not turn out like I want them to, but I have a feeling it will turn out better than I can imagine. How cool it that.
Lauren

"He shines with Love & Joy"

I have been observing my pup, Ozzy, who is now a year old. He was just neutered on Monday. Not only does he have stitches, but he has a rash that he has been constantly biting and scratching. Now he has to where this giant cone thing around his head for 2 weeks. My poor baby, you should have seen him after his operation. He couldn't even lift his head. I thought to myself, this poor baby will have to suffer for 2 weeks. The next day after his operation I couldn't believe my eyes. He was waging his tale, and back to his normal self. As I watched him, he was running into walls, tables, furniture and trying to get out of the doggy door. But he adapted, he has not let this big, awkward cone thing get in his way. He just shakes his head, and goes a different way. Nothing stops him, he amazes me. Why can't we be like that? I expected him to whine and give me those innocent puppy eyes, "mom, help me?" but no! We can definitely learn from animals. I have learned from him, not to let anything get in the way in having a good day, be adaptable and always keep the light within. My baby has so much light, he shines with love and joy. I am so grateful to have him in my life.
Lauren

"Words from, where?"

I wrote this on Sunday, the words came to me while driving and I had to pull over to write them done.

God, please let me know that you are there,

once I know you, my life will be perfect in the

knowledge of you.

My child, I have brought light into your world

and shined from above,

I sing to you daily from the birds in the sky to the

wind blowing though the trees.

I give you gifts of flowers and wheat fields,

and you still do not see me.

I am your first breath you take from birth,

and you still do not feel me.

I am everywhere, what more can I do?

To know me is to know yourself,

for I am also you!

I have no idea where the words came from. I Just began to write them.

How crazy is that. I just wanted to share these words with you.

Lauren