"Lets see what the future holds"

Monday was a gorgeous day. Did I tell you I love this time of year? Ha Ha! I probably repeat myself all the time. I re-read some earlier posts back in the beginning, and it reminded me why I started this blog in the first place, for my book. I wanted to share my dream of being an author with you. The whole process, all the ups and downs, and everything in between. I also wanted to be a force of inspiration in the world. Instead, I noticed lately all I have been doing is complaining. But, the truth is in life there is always twists and turns, that is life. I want to give you an update on my book. It is almost done being edited and it should be ready for print in a couple of weeks. Yes! I am excited and terrified at the same time, now I know I said that before. My next step is the marketing, hence this blog. I have know idea how many people even read these words and even how it will relate in fulfilling my dream. I have no idea what will be the outcome. I have learned one thing, I am not the driver in this story. I have seen people work their butts off never succeeding and I have seen people literally just see an opportunity and walk through the door to success, just like that. I have no problem working hard, but again, no one knows the outcome. This should be interesting. Just like the balloons yesterday, I have no idea where they will end up and if anybody will find them. I will let you know my next steps and lets see together what the future holds, shall we.
Lauren

"Balloons & wishes for everyone"

How was every bodies weekend? I celebrated my birthday on Sunday. My favorite thing in all the world is balloons, forget the jewelry, the flowers or even the chocolates, I am happy with my balloons. I bought a balloon kit, it comes with the helium, balloons, and ribbon. The smaller one is for about 30 balloons and the larger one is about 50 to 60. I got the smaller one. On Sunday morning Ernie and I blow up he balloons and my pup, Ozzy (Yes the one who ate my ottoman) was terrified of them. He kept running away, he was so cute. After we blew them up, I wrote down wishes for me and for other people who will find them. So, for example I wrote "May all your dreams come true" and "Make a wish" and I had a couple of personal wishes like "May my book be a success." etc. then I wrote "If anybody finds this please call......and left my phone number. When we let them go they looked like lolly pops dancing in the air. I asked Ernie if it was against the law to do this, and he said well if it is they have our phone number right on them. We laughed! We than watched my favorite kids movie Monsters Inc. I love that movie! It was a awesome day. I am curious how far the balloons go. I will let you know.
Lauren

"Might as well have fun, right!"

How was every bodies Thanksgiving? I worked as you know, and had a great but busy day. I started my Christmas exercises, which I made up. That was interesting to say the least. We had show and tell, where my residents brought somethings to share with the group. It was awesome! And after our Thanksgiving meal, we had a Tea Party at 2:00. 14 residents showed up, and it was wonderful. We all went around and said what we were grateful for, and then they each picked a question from a basket. The questions were something like, what was the craziest thing you ever did? To share a funny story from your childhood. It was great, we had tea and fancy tea cups, and appetizers. The other employees said"they will be too full to eat, why are you having a tea party?" Well they were wrong, they ate and we had a ball. Then, Ernie cook us a full Thanksgiving meal, and he did great. He actually cooked stuffing from scratch. It was delicious. I got some great advice from my cousin from New Mexico, and so I am not stressing over the small stuff and enjoying my life as is, and what happens, happens. I mean we can't control anything, anyway, so might as well have fun! Right!
Lauren

"Help me figure things out"

I am much better, Thanks again for the comments. So, what I have to complain to you guys to get you to comment, or what. Just kidding. To tell you the truth it could be worse I could be losing my home or have lost my job like my friend. I just need to learn how to balance my life. I know I have a great life, in fact I love my job most of the time. I just get so exciting about the future and my book that I forget to be present and enjoy the little things in life. It is amazing when I am not present, I miss the smiles from strangers, or the big yellow awesome tree right in front of me, or even my puppy's face saying "hey mom, look how cute I am" so, the truth is we do miss a lot when we are not in the now. I need balance! Didn't I just say that! Sometimes I wish I could just be happy with what I have. I mean, why do I strive for more? What is wrong with me and why do I want more? I am so grateful for what I have. I have always been like this, why me and not the people I work with, for example. They seem fine, yes, they complain a lot, and they seem to not have goals, at least they don't tell me if they do. So, why do I want to continue to grow, to learn, to experience everything I can in life, while others don't feel the need to. Why, why why??? So, I am asking for your help, how do I live in the now and balance my future dreams of making a living being an author and writing my books. I mean I do have to think about how to market my book and so many things. OK, God, help me surrender and please give me balance in my life.
Lauren

"Here we go again"

Well everybody, I have not been inspiration for awhile now. I am frustrated with so many things, like I said before everything comes at once, and I am suppose to be OK and happy in spite of it. How do you do that? We have a roof leak that drips on the electrical for the heater, we have ants, I am still dealing with the bullshit from my mortgage company and I just found out that this company has been taking $57 out of my account for the past 8 months. So, what ever you do read the fine print when you use your card on-line, or better yet don't use your card on-line. My dog just ate my ottoman and I mean it is totally destroyed. I have gained 3 pounds and can't stop eating and getting more depressed. So how in the hell, do I be in the now, and change my perception and be happy????? I don't know how people do it. I have heard it all "this too shall pass", and I am suppose to find comfort in that. OK, I know I am complaining, old habits die hard. I just hope that you guys are in a great place right now and enjoy the week. Talk with you later.
Lauren

"Wanting and Outcomes"

So, when we go through our daily lives does it seem like a lot of "ups" and "downs"? To me it seems like a cycle, sometimes things go well and we're happy and then shit happens. The saga of life. I know that I am happier more often than not, thank God! But what I want to know is do we have the power to change that? Like I have written before about whether or not we really have control over what happens in our lives, if we don't, then our only control is our reactions to what happens. Again we go back to perceptions, and how we view the things and people in our lives, which ultimately goes straight back to our "ego's mind", the rambling in our head. We run around doing all these things to try to make things turn out how we want them to turn out and when they don't, we are unhappy. I read a lot about not having attachment to outcomes, I can do that and not have attachment to specific outcomes, but I still have attachments to it turning out for my best. So, in other words I am still in the"wanting" of things and outcomes, still in the "future" of things, not being present, not surrendering, still trying to be in control. What would happen if we stop trying to control everything and live each moment and live for that day? I have been trying, I tell you right now it sure does sound nice. Question, why can't we do this? What are we afraid of? What are we giving up? Just something to think about. Comments are welcome!

Lauren

"I am not giving up!"

Today is Friday for you guys, very cool, I hope you have a great weekend. The days are going fast. A week from Sunday I will be 44 years old. Crazy, huh! Never too late to make your dreams come true. I am hoping that my book will be available in 3 weeks or less. Then I will have to think of marketing it, book tours, book fairs and anything else I can think of. Crazy, huh, it is so exciting and scary at the same time. It is hard for me to stay present when I am always thinking in the future, my book, how to do this or that. I get wrapped up in the "doing" of things that I haven't been "being" at all. I been having trouble with my weight and have been stress with that, work, it is hard. I know I need to stop and just breath and enjoy the moment, but I can't get out of my head. The question is how do I surrender? How do I just say enough is enough and just "be!". When I find the answer I will shout it to the world, but for now, here I am doing all the things that need to be done. I am not giving up on anything, I am just tired of trying to figure everything out. Maybe that is the first step to surrendering?
Lauren