"Seeing my body in the mirror"

Life, Life, Life! I go back and forth from ego to spirit and back again. There are 2 things I have learned: see God in everything and everyone, and forgive when you don't. I have been practicing forgiveness. Not an easy task. I have realize that we are all one and that when I judge others I am ultimately judging myself. I have been working on forgiving others and the world around me, but, for me, the ultimate challenge is forgiving myself. At first, I thought to myself, what do I have to forgive? I haven't done anything. But later I realize I feel guilty all the time, guilty that I did not do this right, or that I was hard on myself, or forgetting to do something I was suppose to do. I saw guilt everywhere. I have gained back the weight I lost. For those of you who do not know, I lost 68 pounds and was 7 pound from my goal, a size 14. I have gained 65 pounds back. So, of course I have been judging myself. Telling myself that I am a failure, and then guilt! But what I have learned that I needed to gain the weight back. I have been working liking crazy to lose it that I forgot that I am not this body. I have been putting to much importance in my body. But, now as I look at myself in the mirror, I am grateful for this strange figure I see before me, I mean so far I have been healthy, it has carried me for 45 years without a hitch. But, I know the truth that this oddly shape in front of me is not me. I knew that, but I have never experienced that before. I actually forgave myself. Forgave myself for hating my body and being attached to it, forgave myself in thinking I was a failure and putting so much energy into that body in the mirror. Our bodies are ego's biggest distraction in keeping us from the truth. I believe if I truly forgive myself for creating this 265 pound body, and truly experience that it is not real, and that I am spirit first, than eventually I don't need to even try to lose the weight the pounds will eventually come off on there own. Sounds like fantasy? or that I am delusional, we shall see. I still have a lot more forgiving to do. But I am on my way!!